Love

Accouchement  (Childbirth)  -  from  “Finding Beauty In The Wretched”

Mike entered the room. He was weary eyed and he had a tear in his eye. He was not sure why he had a tear in his eye but he had it anyway. He thought back to the comfort of recent and he smiled. He thought to the comforts of the future and he felt cleansed. Mike was rudely interrupted by the words of Aaron, who was sat next to him. Aaron liked Mike, but did not say anything. The reason he did not say anything was because Aaron was not really sure how he felt for Mike. You see, Aaron, despite his loneliness, felt like it was not a good idea to hurt Mike. Mike was a good person – he seemed oblivious to his surroundings but he wished everybody well, often putting his own needs before the of others.

Every once in a while Mike would walk from his hometown and visit the nearby village. There he would stand by this cottage which had a beautiful orcahrd next to it. Although being stood there alone, Mike stood in awe observing the beauty of the orchard, and the character of this house – where time had weathered its stones making them more round, and had impregnated the gaps between the stones with beautiful flowers he referred to as weeds. Mike realised looking up at the sky that it was the third time he had seen sunshine in the sky. He thought he was lucky that the weather had been so good to him, making him see this orchard and house in such beauty. He did not give it much thought though, as the weather was often sunny in this village.

Mike’s peace was disturbed by the cry of what sounded like a young child crying for its mother. A short distance away, upon observation, Mike saw a frail woman cry out as she hugged the dry earth beneath her. Mike felt worried and sick. He was not sure what he was witnessing before him but he was sure unsettled by witnessing this miscellaneous show of emotion. Mike felt like going up and embracing this lone woman, but he felt that this would degrade him a little and dirty the beautiful clean new clothes he purchased from a charity shop in his home town. Mike walked by this lady and smiled at her. He sang a song in his head that washed over his emotions like a wave. He dissolved in his silent peace. The birds sang and the songs sang.

Someone shouted out at Mike and taunted him at the feeble nature of his clothes. “I am dying soon, I am trying to live my life as well as I can – I do not wish for you to comment about my clothes as I wear them to keep me warm! I bought them from a charity shop to support those less fortunate from myself. Do I not deserve some respect and dignity as I walk my final steps?” cried Mike. The passer by just sniggered and walked by with a grin on their face. Mike happened upon a prostitute which he spat at. “How dare you degrade yourself in such a way whore!” he shouted. He knew that he was destined for one place upon his death – and this place was no place for the likes of this fat woman who gave up her soul to the devil. He walked by and felt more settled. What a strange day it had been indeed. He felt the sun shine upon his skin and everything was well.

Mike felt proud. There was not a lot left in his life, but he felt that he had self respect. He felt that his friends and family loved him – and with that he would carry their essence with him through eternity: in life and in death. He beat his chest and he shouted: “I have a broken body but I feel intoxicated and freed by the love that passes through my being here in this life. If I die today I am complete and I am gifted with beauty, intelligence, an angelic singing voice and every earthly charm my peers envy me for. God has been gracious to me!” He thanked God and thought how pleased he was at being brought up a devout Christian. For, without God, he felt life had no meaning.

Paul, a childhood friend of Mike’s walked by and shouted at him “Hey, Mike, where are you going?” Mike shouted back in an arrogant manner, “if you cared enough you would have followed me along this stoney path.” He slung his scarf back behind him and carried on walking feeling pleased that he made somebody he feel repressed by as a child feel small and irrelevant: albeit only for a brief moment. Mike heard another cry… he ran over to find that a child had been beaten up by some children. His left arm was bleeding.  Mike cried. He took off his jumper and wrapped it around the child’s bleeding arm and gave him enough money to enter the care of a hospital safely and securely. The child thanked him but Mike felt even worse for helping the child. He thought of the prostitute and wondered why he mocked her. Mike wondered what the difference was between himself and the prostitute. “Does she eat a different cereal? Do I drink sexual juices more reluctantly than her? Does she love differently to me?” Either way it did not matter. Mike did not have time to scuff his feet. He did not have the time to give thought so somebody who did not really matter along his path.

Finally Mike arrived. He entered the home of Tony. Tony shouted out “why do you enter this house where you are not welcome? your country buries itself in lies!” Mike felt insulted. “What do you mean my friend? I come bearing gifts, I kneel at your home after taking my shoes off and wiping my feet on your mat as to respect the space you have made sacred and homely, and you insult me with these words?” Tony replied “you have never been my friend, neither have you been anybody elses, as when you thought you were respecting me, you were serving yourself. when you felt you were blessed and given the gifts of God you were eating the sleeves on your arms. when you kissed your mother you kissed the mouth of a tramp, as you are a stranger to love, a stranger to sight, a stranger to life and most importantly, a criminal to yourself.” Mike punched the door of Tony’s house and walked outside, angry at his insulting and untrue words.

Mike felt a sharp pain to his chest and fell to the ground. He saw the prostitute he passed by early stroll by paying no attention to him – he knew he was dying, he knew he had no power within him to fight it – so he left go: gracefully he left go, confused, scared and yet humble and understanding. Everything made sense to him then. He felt peace in the still boastless being on the soil that held him to the ground, he felt the hand of his existence the busy murmur of his walk denied him of. Silently he whispered to himself “I’m sorry I never knew you” Mike closed his eyes and died.